The Christensen's Chaos: Perspective

It has been hard for me to even considering blogging when I am still processing everything that has occurred in the last three weeks. I can't decide how I am doing, I am just getting by. I keep myself busy and try to hold back the tears, as I know my dad would want me to be happy and smile. It isn't always easy, but I manage. The truth is, I am still in denial, I have convinced myself he is on one of his many RV adventures with my mom and we'll be updated shortly on their whereabouts. I am constantly thinking about him and reminding myself of the reality that he is no longer on Earth, but rather watching us from heaven. The smallest of things will remind me of him.

My perspective on life has completely changed. The things that used to seem important to me or the small things that I used to let ruin my whole day, no longer rule my day or my attitude. We had a flood in our house last week and even that couldn't break me. Pat was wonderful and cleaned it all up, but I didn't even have the energy in me to be upset or let it ruin my day. It wasn't worth it and after all, it could be much worse. I no longer complain about the bad in my day when I get home from work and instead focus my energy on being present with my family and making memories. It is hard to listen to people complain about silly things like, "I didn't get enough sleep last night and traffic was terrible this morning" or "I had the worst day ever...." Their worst day ever doesn't even compare to the day we found out my dad had peacefully gone to Heaven. I know there is never an explanation for why people have to die, but I truly believe part of it is for people to reevaluate their lives, their proprieties, and their perspectives.

Losing someone is never easy, but I think when it is a parent, it is especially hard. They are your role model, your constant, and no matter how old you are, the person you will call for help or when you are unsure of something. I will always be my dad's "Bear, Bear", his little girl, his baby even at 30. Life is unfair, this is something everyone learns at a young age, but life is also good. I am trying to focus any energy I have on being positive about this situation, make the best of a crappy situation. Instead of thinking about what we won't have with my dad and Papa, trying to think about what we were lucky enough to have and realize that not everyone is that lucky.

We were fortunate to have our dad for 66 years. My sisters and I were lucky enough to have him walk us down the aisle at our weddings. My dad was able to see all of us graduate from High School and some from college. He was able to see some of his grandchildren and spoil them rotten during his time with them. He was able to travel with my mom for many years and create many memories for her to remember and cherish for the rest of her life. We each have our own special memories with my dad that we will forever cherish in our hearts and never forget. The endless hours in the car, the scenic route, the stops at McDonald's for coffee when he'd insist you were hungry and in need of something, the trips to various locations, for me Mexico, his hilarious jokes, his caring spirit, his generous character, and much more.

I have no choice but to keep on, keeping on for our little girl. She doesn't understand why I am sad or not myself, but she can sure help me smile when I need it the most. She'll do silly things that I know would make my dad laugh and smile. There are things she'll do that will make me want to call him up and share with him, but then reality sets in and I remind myself that he is probably watching alongside of me and enjoying the moments with me, even if I can't see him or hear him. Izzy has been a welcomed distraction and she has a way about her that makes me smile, even when it feels like an impossible task. I decided to include a few pictures of Izzy to help brighten your day. She has been a trooper and put up with me being a distracted parent. We went to the park tonight and then Daddy took her to swimming lessons, so she is still being spoiled, not to worry.