Kisses for brother!
Izzy has to be in the picture, thankfully she is much cuter than me. :)
Our little bookworm, she is in love with books and now reads them to her baby and Elmos.
Dearest Baby Boy,
I feel I need to take a minute to focus on you, our second born. To be honest, I have been more emotional the last few days than I have the whole pregnancy, but I think it is because you have been so much more active, making it seem much more real. The true is baby boy, I love you dearly and cannot wait for your arrival, but from the start, we have been preoccupied with too many other things to allow ourselves to fully enjoy the realization that you are ours, our little baby, our perfect baby BOY! We found out we were blessed with you just one week after your amazing Papa's funeral, so to say it was a bittersweet start to your life would be an understatement. Were we happy, Oh goodness yes, but was it hard to feel excited at such a sad time, Absolutely. Was it hard not to play the what if or the why couldn't it happen sooner game, for sure.
However, last week, after taking a little fall on the ice, I was told I had to go to the ER for you to be monitored to make sure you were okay. That was the first time that I had time to really think about everything. They put me in a birthing room, which brought back some unpleasant memories of your sister's birth, but I tried to block them out. I was forced, since I couldn't find the remote, to just sit for almost two hours and think, in silence. It was kind of nice. Your sister is so chatty these days, that I can't seem to think and moments to myself are very rare. It was kind of emotional thinking back on the last time I was in a room like that. We were calling people telling them about your sister's arrival and then there was Papa...I keep going back to that. It makes me so sad that he won't be there after you are born to meet you, maybe in spirit, but I'd much prefer his actual presence. I'm sure he'd do just as he did with Izzy and send up a bag of candy for me from the gift shop and a pink (blue for you) cellphone and teddy bear blanket for baby even before you are born. He loved babies and it pains me to think that he won't get to hold you, to put his large, over sized sunglasses on your little head like he did with your sister, that he won't be showing up with random gifts of food or diapers because he felt he needed an excuse to hold you, instead of just asking if he could drop by.
I know there is a reason we weren't blessed with you before his departure, but what I wouldn't give for you to know him, to know the Papa the other grandchildren know and loved. We will do our best to retell the stories of Papa and I know between Nana and Grandma and Grandpa, you will feel his love and have many memories. I have felt so much mommy guilt this whole pregnancy because I haven't been as involved with your pregnancy. To be honest, I often would forget I was even pregnant in the beginning before you started to move. I was too preoccupied with your sister or trying to block out emotions when they'd come up. However, you little bugger, have changed me for the better these last few weeks with all of your kicking and nudging. You remind me multiple times a day, "Hey mom, I'm here too, don't forget about me!"
I have started my "nesting mode" early this pregnancy and I think it is due to your nudges, as well as my neediness to make up for my guilt. I need to get your room set up ASAP so it feels real, so I can make up for lost time. I need to get more excited each day as I walk past your room and realize we are one day closer to meeting you and seeing if you look like your sister or if you'll defy odds and come out with brown hair and brown eyes. I sometimes wonder if you'll be Papa reincarnated, which means we need to start saving our money now, because you'll love to spend money on tools and the latest electronics. We will also need to be prepared for our Parent/Teacher Conferences when they tell us what a class clown you are. :)
I want you to know how much we love you, how even though it took me awhile to get the process started, you will have a room much before your birth. How, even though I get preoccupied with your sister, I still love you and cannot wait to meet you. You will help make our family feel more complete. Your sister is dying to have a "baby" around. I apologize in advance if she jams "nukkies" in your mouth and wants to kiss you a million times a day. I don't want you to feel like a second born, who is in your sister's limelight. I want you to be you, to feel the same amount of love and attention your sister felt and feels daily. We have dreamed about you before we were even pregnant. Although it pains me to not have my Dad there to meet you, it makes me so happy to know that I married a man who reminds me a lot of your Papa. You will be blessed, just as I was, with an amazing Father.
Clearly, you've learned by now that your mom likes to write and talk, so I will end with this. In 11 weeks, give or take, we will finally get to see what you look like little man. Our dreams will come true. I get giddy just thinking about the first time I get to see you and they place you in my arms. The amount of love and emotion that you feel at that moment is indescribable. The moment where love hits you like it has never hit you before, I'll be overwhelmed with unconditional love for you the second I see you. Stay in there a little while longer baby boy, but know that the anticipation is killing us. See you in 11 weeks....we love you to the moon and back!
Love,
Mommy (Daddy, Izzy, and Stella too!)
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